One Moment At A Time

It's been a while since I've posted, with good reason. I am going through a divorce. The "Big D". I have many things to say about it and a lot of opinions on the issues that broke my marriage up, but 1) those who need to know the details know the details and 2) there's nothing I can do to change it.

I struggled with letting the marriage go. After 2 months of "seperation" (he had filed papers already) I realized there was no way I could do anything to save it. Only God could and God can choose not to let the marriage succeed. I also knew that my Ex was in no way aligned with God. Therefore God could not intervien on his part if He wanted to.

My friends have been an integeral part of this whole transition. My co-workers at school have really been invaluable. It is so true that you never know who your friends are until you go through something tramatic. People I thought wouldn't care really stepped up. They took me under their wings, got me involved, took me out, talked with me, cried with me, prayed with me, held me and let me sleep over when I couldn't handle it. My family, specifically my sister has been awesome. They are non-judgmental and really have let me learn things myself while talking things through. There are so many other friends, close and far away, who have done amazing things for me. I am so amazingly thankful for the people I have surrounding me in my life. I have such a great support system.

So since Halloween (isn't this ironic) I have been enjoying single life. There are moments when I wish he would change his mind, but in the long shot, I would never turn back to that. I am so much happier, fit, healthier, livelier then I have been in a very long time. I would've stayed in my marriage like that forever. I am a serial monogomist, but I'm thankful in some respects that this opportunity has a risen for me to step out of my "comfort" zone and grow into an individual. Some people have criticized me saying that I've moved on too fast. Others realize who I really am and how quickly I recover and how I refuse to let things get me down and understand that, this is just the way I function.

Today I was sitting in church and the pastor was talking about how 2010 was an awful year for many of the people in the congregation. My friend also posted on her FB status how she was so thankful that 2010 was over because it was the worst year of her life (she too went through a divorce). With these two statements happening so closely together, I thought to myself, was 2010 awful? Was it really THAT awful? My answer is NO, it wasn't that awful. I kind of feel bad for not feeling like it was that awful. I mean, it was, but it wasn't.
I still have so much to be thankful for in this past year:

Ugly Sweater contest sans 43lbs

1) My daughter's health has dierasticly improved since she got tubes put in
2) My ex isn't being a douch bag about my terms of the divorce (although he wanted it, I have set limits)
3) I have my own health <- Since doing the HCG diet, I have lost a total of 43 pounds.
4) I have a job that I enjoy most the time, I have co-workers that I'm crazy about and students that I mostly love
5) My family is so freakin awesome! You forget how important they are until you really need them
6) God hasn't given me more then I can endure, and even though I'm pissed at Him and am really struggling to hear his voice, I know He cares and will get me through this
Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of crappy things that happend:
1) Divorce
2) Ruined credit score
3) Realization I can not afford to live on my own on just a teachers salary.
But all those can change for the better and will. My head is held high and I will survive and become strong and smart because of these things.

2011
1) Sky dive
2) Go on a legit date, with a gentleman, who I like <- I know that sounds bad, but I want to like them, not just go out on a date.
3) Start my masters, or taking steps to start my masters
4) Pay off a large chunk of my student loans <- which is kinda silly, if I'm getting my masters, so I may have to re-evaluate this one
5) Continue to live w/o a credit card
6) Stay up all night with my sister giggling
7) Spend quality time with my brother
8) Work out 3-4 times a week <- I have a goal of comfortablly wearing a bikini this summer
9) Reading my Bible consistently 3-4 times a week
10) Praying w/o drifting everyday <-the habit of prayer typically comes easy to me, but I have struggled with this one for a while
11) Eat a type of food I have never tried before <- Any suggestions?
12) Give once a week to a random person
13) Spend quality (not quantity) time with my daughter
14) Go to the park with Z and The Ex for the sake of Z
15) Go on a hot balloon ride
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3 Things
1) Today I am thankful for honesty in friendships and budding relationships
2) Today I am thankful for a respectful attitude towards The Ex and vise versa
3) Today I am thankful for the fact that I had 2 weeks off for Christmas Break

3 Things

3 Things
1) Today I am thankful for co-workers that kept me entertained all throughout a very boring conference.
2) Today I am thankful for loosing almost 20lbs and not being afraid to have a "cheat day"
3) Today I am thankful for my daughter being so ornery. It's really fun sometimes.

Last day of freedom and 3 things

Last day of freedom
    Today is my last day of freedom. Tomorrow I head back to "school". I say "school" because 1) I will actually be at a professional development lecture and 2) we won't actually have kids till Wednesday. I spent today with my daughter and a friend and his son. Aaron and I also spent some time together and took Z to Target after dinner for a "walk".

Here are the highlights from my summer:

1. NYC
2. Mexican Cruise
3. Copious amounts of time with my daughter
4. Said daughter is 99% potty trained
5. Got to hang out a lot with friends and coworkers
6. Attended my friends wedding
7. Baked a lot of good recipes
8. Re-connected with a lot of friends on Facebook
9. Started to re-align myself with God
10. Lost nearly 20lbs (granted I had gained 10 on my two week vacation)

Things I will do differently next summer

1. Instead of sitting on the computer during Z's nap time, I would like to read
2. Bake 3 times a week
3. Keep up with my garden more
4. See, in person, my friends more
5. NOT travel, as to save for our 10 year anniversary (we would like to take a 2-3 week vacation of Europe)
6. Invest more attention in Z
7. MAYBE not worry about the house as much
8. Get out of the house to do fun things with Z at least 3 times a week
9. Scrapbook, summers are the only time I get to, and I didn't at all this summer
10. MAYBE find a way to earn a bit of cash for the summer

This school year will be way different then what I've come to expect over the last 2 years. Why? Because I will be teaching 7th and 8th grade science. I've never taught 8th grade science. I really hope I can prove that this was the right desicion for the principal. I have a lot to live up to and a lot to imporve on. I am so nervous that I dropped being the "head" of a committee I loved because I want to be able to focus more on the "new" subject I'm teaching. We shall see how it turns out.

3 Things
1) Today I am thankful for having 8 weeks off every summer. What a great job I have.
2) Today I am thankful for Aaron getting done with work early and spending it all with us.
3) Today I am thankful for new friendships that will hopefully grow into a tight bond.

A lost friend, cookies and 3 thing

     I sometimes wonder what it takes for a friendship to be over. I tend to hold onto a relationship for as long as I can regardless of whether or not it's recipricated. Within the last year I've really come to realize this. I had a dear friend who I went to high school and college with. We were nearly inseperable in college. We did so much together and so much for each other. When Aaron and I moved to NYC, I called EVERY single weekend to talk to her. On the rare occassions I didn't call, she never bothered to call me or what not. I never thought much of it. When Aaron and I moved back home, we saw each other once. I made a mental note that I would not go out of my way to stay in contact with her since she was not putting the effort in. So, we didn't speak for nearly a year.
     Within that year, my family got burned by the church we were attending, we lost some dear friends because we chose not to go to that church and my husband decided he did not believe in God anymore. All through this, not one phone call just to see how things were going BUT I never bothered calling her either. Finally we ran into each other at Target and her excuse was that she was busy. Ok, I understand that. We do live almost 45 minutes away from each other. 
    So we vowed to try to get together more often. I called on multiple occassions trying to plan something out. Nothing every came of it. She has yet to call me to try to get anything together. She's gone on vacation right now to NYC. She has spoken and communicated with many other friends while in NYC but not me.
     I guess I just thought we had a real friendship that would last forever. That we'd always be tehre for each other.  That when I point blank tell her I need her friendship right now, she'd be there. I was wrong.
     I am learning more and more as I grow older, that friendships aren't always solid. Sometimes they are friendships of convienence. And this is ok, I just need to remind myself of that.
   I do have some very very very dear friends who no matter where I travel, we stay in touch. I am thankful for them. 

    OK, I had to get that off my heart, cuz it was kind of heavy laying there.

So tonight I once again made those TO DIE FOR chocolate chip cookies. This time, I doubled the recipe and added peanut butter chips as well as a bit of almond flavoring. YUMMY!! I can not recommend this recipe highly enough.

3 Things
1) Today I am thankful for co-workers who care enough to take time out of their NON-work day to work
2) Today I am thankful for an amazing daughter God has entrusted me with. She made me smile so much today.
3) Today I am thankful for a God who provides me with what I need

Mayan Chocolate Ice Cream

This was given to me by my friend Sarah. She did this w/o an ice cream maker (which I do not have) I am so looking forward to trying this.


In a double broiler (or create a makeshift double broiler by placing a medium glass bowl over a pot of simmering water): whisk together 3 cups of half and half, 1/2 cup cocoa powder and 10- 12 oz dark chocolate (or semi-sweet chocolate)...until all is melted. Then, take the bowl off the stove and add 2 ts (or more) vanilla or almond extract (I used my homemade stuff; vanilla pods extracted in rum), a couple teaspoons of cinnamon... and however much cayenne pepper that you think you can take (I dumped in a bunch). Set this aside.

In a different (large) bowl, whisk together 2/3 cup sugar, 2 pinches of salt and 10 egg yolks.


In another saucepan, simmer 3 more cups of half and half (it will be warm, but not too hot. You should be able to stick your finger in the liquid without swearing...). Now, you will be tempering the eggs (which will be a bit tricky). Basically, you do not want your eggs to solidify. You have to pour the warm half and half ever so slowly into the egg and sugar mixture ...while whisking. Whisk with vigor!

Now, you can pour the egg mixture into the saucepan...and simmer again. Whisk the whole time. Your custard should get thick enough to coat the back of a spoon (the temp. will be around 170*). It will feel heavy and smell wonderful.

The chocolate mixture, the egg-custard mixture and a bunch of chopped almonds should be mixed together at this point(but only if everything is completely smooth with no globs of egg floating around in your ice cream-to-be). If you have the globby egg problem, pour your custard into a bowl through a sieve to remove the unsightly intruders. But you shouldn't have to deal with the issue in the first place, so do not worry.

Set the unified mixture in an ice-bath for 15 minutes (to cool it down quickly).
Then, stick it in the fridge to chill for 3 hrs before sticking it in the ice cream maker. Or ignore the ice cream maker and freeze it in a tubberware container (in the back of the freezer). I suggest that you just ignore the ice cream maker. Why create more dishes for yourself?

This recipe makes 2 quarts (so, yoiu might want to share with at least one other person...).

Enjoy the creamy ice cream with a kick of chili pepper!

Salt, recipe review and 3 things

Tonight the hubby and I say SALT. It was way better then both of us thought. I recommend it.

On Friday, I made this S'mores Pie for a party I was attending. First off, I used a 9x12 pan instead of a pie tin. Fail number 1. Then, I let the whole pie sit for too long. Fail number 2. Since I used the 9x12 pan, people were too intimidated to eat it, so we had a whole crap load leftover. Fail number 3. In all honesty, I didn't really care for the recipe as much as I thought I would. I probably won't make it again. BUT I am anxious to try this one.

3 Things
1) I am thankful for having some amazing friends who take care of me no matter what.
2) I am thankful for a day well spent with my husband
3) I am thankful for open and honest discussion about my husbands religious "de-conversion" as he calls it. 

3 Things Real Quick

*Life has been hectic here as of late. Finally getting back to work and still running around with Z. Excuse the spiratic posts for a bit please.

1) I am thankful for grandparents who are always willing to take Z for a few days
2) I am thankful for a co-worker who drug my butt to school to force me to work in the classroom
3) I am thankful for a team of co-workers who really get along and desire to be on the same page.