Sunday, February 13, 2011

Open Letter

 You made me scooby snacks and moe-coo countless times. You perfected baked ham and turkey just to see the satisfaction on our faces.  You worked your tail off to provide our family a safe place to live. You always loved to bring up eating wings with my pinky up, Area 51 and Uno. You spent many hours "flinging shit" in the front yard, fixing the neighbors house, chopping down the trees in the back. You used to help plant flowers in the spring and lost countless Christmas gifts in the abyss. When one of us was sick, you loaded us up with vitamins, checked on us in the middle of the night to make sure we had no fever and made us drink nasty concoctions so we could get healthy again.  You were protective of us.

In a lot of ways you showed me what it was like for a husband to love his wife. You were delicate, caring, considerate and paid attention to the needs of your wife. You went on adventures with her, consulted with her about any things her children wanted to do, never letting them play you against each other. Nursed her back to health countless times and held her hand through many rough patches. In my mind, I know you are the reason she is here today. I know you are the glue that held her together. You two were a single unit.

You were a father to me. Growing up, you taught me how to defend myself, how to challenge my thinking and the thinking of those around me. You also taught me how to care for my body and what it is like to care for others.You forced me to exercise with you, not just because you wanted to torture me, but because you wanted to make sure I was healthy and strong.You teased me relentlessly not because you were mean, but because you wanted me to have a tough outer shell.You took me to my first high school dance, let me bring my first boyfriend home and also wanted to protect me when that first boyfriend broke my heart several times. You taught me to love and respect an adult without fearing them. You taught me that there are consequences to my decisions they were never from you but you always warned me about the outside forces.

Some where something went horribly wrong.

I can't remember my life before you and I'm struggling to envision my future without you. You've done some really nasty things to our family and to me. Most of which can not be forgiven. Most of which, we now know are true. The hardest part is that despite all the nastiness you've brought into my life and into my family's life I struggle to let go of the man that rushed to my house to pick me up the day I moved out of my dads. The father that picked me up every day from high school and took me to the chiropractor. I can't forget the protector that ran after the truck that rear ended us and took off. I can not believe he is so far gone. I can not fathom a person changing so much in 3 years.

I'm praying for you. I do love you despite what you've done to my family and I. I want the best for you and I hope that you can find peace because I know that is what you're missing.
3 Things
1) I am thankful for T taking care of me and Z while we were sick
2) I am thankful for friends who helped me move into my new living quarters
3) I am thankful for spending all day in bed sleeping.

1 comment: