I've struggled to connect intimately with God for almost 3 years now. The moment I left NYC, I stopped hearing His voice. I searched and searched. Tried starting a home church, lead Bible studies, drifted from church to church, listened exclusively to Christian music, read the Bible, prayed, you named it, I tried it. All of this to no avail.
There were moments here and there where I thought I heard His whispers. But, I didn't, it usually lead to a dead end or disappointment. I know that a lot of my own issues were that I constantly compared church/God to what I had experienced in college. I know that I need to move on past that and accept it for what it is.
The last two weeks, I've gone to Redemption Church-Tempe. Not only have I gone, but I've been attending with my boyfriend T. The first weekend, was pretty awesome, as I mentioned in my last blog. This past weekend was amazing for me. I feel the passion, I feel the yearning of the congregation, the unification of the people the true authentic home of God. It is such an amazing feeling to be fed again. To have my cup filled.
I was talking to my friend S, kind of a motherly mentor to me, and confessed to her that I was hesitant that these last two services were real and authentic. I was fearful that I was feeling this way only because T was there. S pointed out that regardless of why I was feeling God's presence, I should be grateful I was feeling it.. I need to use that feeling to propel myself into individual spiritual growth throughout the week. I need to stop over analyzing everything and let it be what it is.
So the question to myself is: Does the medium matter? Does it really matter how I hear God, so long as I'm hearing God? The answers are clearly NO. I really just need to take it for what it is and enjoy this time of rekindled romance with my God. Take advantage of it and grow from it.
1) I am thankful God bringing T into my life.
2) I am thankful for perspective to sympathize with my mom.
3) I am thankful for the last 6 months for pain, growth and reflection.