Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Story of T, Part 1

So if you've followed my blog for any length of time you knew I was starting to date again. 
I ventured out using dating websites, mainly Plenty of Fish (PoF), on recommendation of a friend. 
I chatted with loads of guys. 
Met two of them. 
One of them I married.  

*A bit of back story*
So, we started "chatting" for a while. Back and forth, back and forth as you do through dating websites. We had a pretty good flow of conversation. Then, I brought up favorite movies. He stated his was "Garden State", to which, I replied, "I like the sound track better". His response, was nothing short of a 5 paragraph essay in support of why the movie was better then the soundtrack. Then, I didn't hear from him. This was BEFORE Christmas. Come January 15th-ish I got a message from him asking me for my number. I kinda begrudgingly gave it to him (I assumed there was no harm in giving a phone number out, right?). IMMEDIATELY he called me. I was totally caught off guard. This from a guy who 1) ripped me a new one on a topic that was opinion based and 2) I hadn't heard from in nearly a month. Well, he immediately apologized for the lapse in communication and explained is was "severely sick" and "had very bad stomach issues". In my head I  didn't know weather to believe him or not. Either way, we continued the some what brief conversation and he ultimately ended it with asking me to go horseback riding with him and some friends. I accepted, but only on the terms of allowing me to pay for myself. He refused but I told him I'd fight him for it.  I had a lot of friends give me advice as to what to do, including one friend who told me to bring a check and if I like him, to rip the check up, but if I don't like him, leave the check on his car seat when I get out. I showed up prepared, check in hand.

First date: January 23, 2011
Where: Horseback riding at South Mountain
T is wearing a stripped shirt

Here are some of the facts from our first date:
He may have been right... can't really see my face.
  • T was 45 minutes late
  • We wore the same outfit, jeans, black shirt, black chucks and sunglasses, doesn't get cheesier then that. :-/
  • He claims he had NO IDEA what I looked like because I was covered from head to toe and could hardly see my face because of my huge glasses. See Photo
  • I was all the way at the front of the horse line, T was all the way at the back. I spent 1 1/2 hours talking to no one, because I knew no one. 
  • We ate hamburgers and hot dogs afterwards. We talked about family, what we're looking for and life. 
  • I believe HE asked me to go see a movie. Neither of us remembers what movie it was (looking back, I *think* it might have been "The Rite".) I paid. 
  • He asked to put his arm around me and I said "NO". T claims, this is the point he knew he wanted to marry me. 
  • We went to eat sushi at Teharu Sushi. It was ok. :-P
  • We were going to go to ice cream :-D but I had to get home to Z
  • Our FIRST date lasted 8 hours.
We spent the next couple of days talking on the phone. I was so giddy and so rebellious, that I had to talk inside my closet. 1) I didn't want my parents knowing I was talking to a boy and 2) I did want to wake Z up, so I had to muffle my voice somehow. We talked all hours of the night, once, staying up till 4am. It was junior high love! We talked about our pasts, our past loves, our past heartbreaks, some of our fears, our faith, our desires for family, for our future and loads of other stuff.

Second Date:
Pacific Roll
Mid-week he asked me to if I could meet him at Ra Sushi for dinner. I obliged. As we walked down the road I noticed two things, not only did he guide me (without touching me) but he also made sure to stand on the side of on coming traffic. At one point, there was a large crowd of people crossing the street. He QUICKLY grabbed my hand to keep me close (He was so sneaky! After me telling him "no" the first time, I think he may have been hesitant to ASK a second time). He turned to me a few seconds later, shocked I didn't let go and asked "Is it OK if I hold your hand now?", with a big smile on my face, I said "Yes, that is fine". In typical Jasmine fashion, I don't remember much about what we talked about. I do remember I ordered the Pacific Roll and halfheartedly ate a piece. Knowing T MUCH better know, I understand why he was SOO hesitant, but he did it for me <3

I'm sure we spent copious amounts of time on the phone. I was guarding my heart now more then ever because of She Who Shall Not Be Named, continuously speaking into my life. I didn't rush out to see him every moment I had and I was very specific about timing it so it did not affect my time with Z. The amazing thing, is that T was SO INCREDIBLY understanding of my role not only as a mother but someone living in a parents house with rules.

Third Date: January 30th
Where: Redemption Church, Tempe and Oregano's
There are no pictures from this date. I had been very intentional through all online communication (on PofF) and through talking over the phone that God is FIRST and that any relationship I have will also follow that motto. He obviously agreed with me and we decided we would start looking for a church together. He came across their website and started listening/watching Pastor Justin Anderson speak and T was sold. To say that church that morning was a punch to the face (in a good way) is putting it lightly. I stepped in and immediately felt at home and T claims the same. We were both brought to tears and blubbered like idiots in front of each other. But most important, we BOTH felt God INDIVIDUALLY. It was one of the most powerful moments of my life.
After that emotional hour, we went to eat lunch at Oregano's. Being the beezy I am, I asked him when he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. He said "Will you be my girlfriend?" to which I replied "No.". I'm evil, I know. But, from then on, we were "official". Lunch was good. Recently, I've figured out why I've never enjoyed their food. Apparently THE ONLY THING to eat there is pizza, not pasta. So the next time I make it there, I will order pizza to see if my  mind has changed.

Thankful for
1) I am thankful that God is continuously working in my heart to grow me into a better women for Him.
2) I am thankful for memories 
3) I am thankful for trials, because without them a person would grow stagnant. 

Memories.... aren't always shiny

My husband asked me if I've written any blogs lately and obviously the answer was no. This comment has kind of gotten my wheels turning in my brain. There are so many things that I want to get written down on "paper" but haven't made time for them for some reason. This is a SUPER random post. So, bare with me.

Garden 2009

Tonight I was laying in bed, tossing and turning, as has become common place for me. I started looking through pictures on my Mom's FB and then pictures on my FB of my "old life". I can 100% say without a doubt that God has put me right where he wants me, but boy am I starting to miss that house. T and I have briefly talked about never owning a house. Recently as we were driving through some neighborhoods, he said "ugh, I'm getting house fever". I kind of brushed it off because there is still no part of me that wants to own a house again. BUT tonight, while looking through all those pictures, I came across a lot that were taken in my house. My kitchen. My living room. MY BACKYARD. I miss it. I'd be lying if i didn't say  there was a growing part of me that yearned for a house again.

Which brought me to this thought:

Cruise, 2010
My amazing Mother's Day card, 2012
Boy, Z looks a lot happier in all those pictures. :( Is it just because she was such a naive baby, with everyone around her that loved her and took care of her? Was it because life was "easier" then? Was she really happier then or is it just me? I know that children go through a lot of changes and emotions through a divorce and through remarriage. I don't know how my divorce and remarriage has affected her, maybe i am just blind to it. She in no means has ever been a bad or naughty kid. In fact, she's quite awesome. But she NEVER smiles for pictures like she used to. More like, she refuses, maybe it's just the stubbornness inside of her that wants to exercise itself more now then it did when she was little. I remember her playing with tea party with my mom and tormenting her dog. I miss capturing her smile on film. I need to take more pictures.

This thought then brought me to this:

I miss him (the one my open letter was addressed to). I look back at pictures and think of all the wonderful things he did for me. I don't know how to mourn his loss aside from bottling it all up and allowing only bits to come out here and there. I feel like I'm not allowed to let things fall apart because I have too much on my shoulder. Too much depending on me. I can't be weak.

Then I came to this point:

Life really is easier as a kid. I don't remember family drama, family issues, friendships falling apart, stressing out about money, dealing with broken relationships, dealing with drug addicts, etc. I remember playing Aliens in my aunts pool with my brother, starring at my cousin while she ate delicious food (and DIDN'T share), playing four square at school, chasing the ice cream man and drawing "tattoos" all over my body.
It's not that I am ungrateful for what God has given me, I am just realizing how easy I had it as a kid and how I wish I appreciated it more and used that time more wisely.

3 Things
1) I am thankful for God, who not only provides for my needs but is gracious enough to give me my hearts desires too.
2) I am thankful for a husband who eagerly seeks me out. 
3) I am thankful for a family that no matter what, won't turn its back on me.

Lesson Learned Round 1:

Originally wrote on January 17, 2011

So as I've ventured into this world of dating, I've come across a lot of "interesting" characters and some nice guys. I started seeing "K" right around the New Years. We had talked quite frequently for about 1 1/2 weeks before we decided to go on a "date". I use that term loosely because 1) I paid for myself (which I totally was down for) and 2) we figured out quite fast that we'd never work out because of our vast differences in religion. I believe in God and he doesn't.

After that first meeting, we didn't really talk for a few days. I was so hesitant because I have been in an unequally yoked marriage and wasn't sure I wanted to start my new life with someone like that. Well, obviously, we ended up talking and hanging out again. There was just something about him. I wasn't and am still not quite sure what it is. So over the course of the next 3 weeks, we hung out frequently. He was always respectful of me, my beliefs and my time.

On our "first" date, we went ice skating. We had gone out multiple times before that, but we had actually planned that one out. We ice skated around the rink like Junior High kids do at Great Skate. In fact, we talked about Great Skate (he's a native Arizonian). We talked a lot about family, our children's parents, what we want in life, where we're going and what we're looking for. We talked about dreams we had, life experiences we went through. We found we had a lot in common.He had told me a few days prior about a snowboarding trip he was going to take with his family. He brought it up again while ice skating. He told me he had 1/2 the mind to invite me. This spurred discussion about family and introducing others to them.

In my family and even with my friends, I don't know that I feel right inviting a guy over unless we are serious. It's just kind of how I've always felt about my family.
K on the other hand, is pretty open with who he invites over.

We had a great time ice skating. It was a lot of fun and I hadn't done it in a very long time.
Later that week, I decided that it might be fun to go snowboarding. So we planned the logistics of the trip and he was very excited. Over the course of the next week and 1/2, I had this gut feeling that I shouldn't go. 1) it was a big step to meet his parents 2) it's a big step when you're not exclusive and 3) I knew I shouldn't put myself into a position like that. Despite those gut feelings, I pushed forward. I bought a bathing suit (they have a jacuzzi) and borrowed snowboarding clothes from a friend.

Slowly I was kind of getting excited. On Saturday night, I went to a party at his sister's house. She was very excited to meet me and even more excited that she was the first one out of her family to meet me. It was clear, they knew who I was. That gut wrenching feeling started to hit again.

All day Sunday, my stomach was a bit sick with this feeling that I need to tell him we need to not see each other or just be friends. I thought to myself  "I'm starting to really like him, I'm all about going through feelings and ups and downs, but I KNOW this will end in heartache. Not just for me, but for him too." I kept running scenarios through my head on how I was going to tell him, that this was not going to work out no matter how much we wanted it to. I decided I'd tell him after we went to a museum with the kids (he has one too)
Later that evening while I was eating dinner, K called. It was a bit out of the blue because he knew I don't really take phone calls at home. But, none the less, I did pick it up and instantly I knew from his tone of voice, something was wrong. I quickly told him I was eating dinner with my family and he said to give him a call later when I was free. I did a few hours later.
He basically told me he was feeling everything I was feeling. It was so awesome we both felt the same way. It made the whole conversation so much smoother and way less awkward. AND WHAT A RELIEF!

It's funny, because the next day, we took the kids to a museum. I almost canceled because I thought it might have been too awkward, but it wasn't. We all had a lot of fun and I didn't feel like I had to attend to his needs, which was nice, cuz it freed up my time with Z. He also pointed out some interesting facts about me when I was discussing with him an argument I had had the previous night. Insight from a third party is always good and often times easier to handle. He told me once that he doesn't want female friends, because he has "enough" of them. So I asked him, why the exception this time? He told me that although we have vastly different views in religion, he hasn't ever met anyone like me that had so much in common with him. That he could make an exception this time. He also told me that he hadn't eaten all day Sunday because he was so sick with how he would tell me that we weren't going to work out. Ha, I know that same feeling.

Yeah, I'm sad, but no I'm not broken hearted. It was a great experience to find someone who although they're pretty cool, I still can't sacrifice some things on my list. He also gave me a few things to add to my list, which I suppose is a good thing in dating.
Date: 1/17/11
*no favorite things, because I wrote this way before I was ready to post it. 

*Edit #1:
Holy cow, he matches most of my requirements...there is hope after all that one guy can possess everything or I'm aiming low. 
*Edit #2: 1/20/11
Total right decision.  
* Edit # 3: 6/24/12
seriously total right decision. 1/20 was my first date with T <3