Sunday, June 24, 2012

Lesson Learned Round 1:

Originally wrote on January 17, 2011

So as I've ventured into this world of dating, I've come across a lot of "interesting" characters and some nice guys. I started seeing "K" right around the New Years. We had talked quite frequently for about 1 1/2 weeks before we decided to go on a "date". I use that term loosely because 1) I paid for myself (which I totally was down for) and 2) we figured out quite fast that we'd never work out because of our vast differences in religion. I believe in God and he doesn't.

After that first meeting, we didn't really talk for a few days. I was so hesitant because I have been in an unequally yoked marriage and wasn't sure I wanted to start my new life with someone like that. Well, obviously, we ended up talking and hanging out again. There was just something about him. I wasn't and am still not quite sure what it is. So over the course of the next 3 weeks, we hung out frequently. He was always respectful of me, my beliefs and my time.

On our "first" date, we went ice skating. We had gone out multiple times before that, but we had actually planned that one out. We ice skated around the rink like Junior High kids do at Great Skate. In fact, we talked about Great Skate (he's a native Arizonian). We talked a lot about family, our children's parents, what we want in life, where we're going and what we're looking for. We talked about dreams we had, life experiences we went through. We found we had a lot in common.He had told me a few days prior about a snowboarding trip he was going to take with his family. He brought it up again while ice skating. He told me he had 1/2 the mind to invite me. This spurred discussion about family and introducing others to them.

In my family and even with my friends, I don't know that I feel right inviting a guy over unless we are serious. It's just kind of how I've always felt about my family.
K on the other hand, is pretty open with who he invites over.

We had a great time ice skating. It was a lot of fun and I hadn't done it in a very long time.
Later that week, I decided that it might be fun to go snowboarding. So we planned the logistics of the trip and he was very excited. Over the course of the next week and 1/2, I had this gut feeling that I shouldn't go. 1) it was a big step to meet his parents 2) it's a big step when you're not exclusive and 3) I knew I shouldn't put myself into a position like that. Despite those gut feelings, I pushed forward. I bought a bathing suit (they have a jacuzzi) and borrowed snowboarding clothes from a friend.

Slowly I was kind of getting excited. On Saturday night, I went to a party at his sister's house. She was very excited to meet me and even more excited that she was the first one out of her family to meet me. It was clear, they knew who I was. That gut wrenching feeling started to hit again.

All day Sunday, my stomach was a bit sick with this feeling that I need to tell him we need to not see each other or just be friends. I thought to myself  "I'm starting to really like him, I'm all about going through feelings and ups and downs, but I KNOW this will end in heartache. Not just for me, but for him too." I kept running scenarios through my head on how I was going to tell him, that this was not going to work out no matter how much we wanted it to. I decided I'd tell him after we went to a museum with the kids (he has one too)
Later that evening while I was eating dinner, K called. It was a bit out of the blue because he knew I don't really take phone calls at home. But, none the less, I did pick it up and instantly I knew from his tone of voice, something was wrong. I quickly told him I was eating dinner with my family and he said to give him a call later when I was free. I did a few hours later.
He basically told me he was feeling everything I was feeling. It was so awesome we both felt the same way. It made the whole conversation so much smoother and way less awkward. AND WHAT A RELIEF!

It's funny, because the next day, we took the kids to a museum. I almost canceled because I thought it might have been too awkward, but it wasn't. We all had a lot of fun and I didn't feel like I had to attend to his needs, which was nice, cuz it freed up my time with Z. He also pointed out some interesting facts about me when I was discussing with him an argument I had had the previous night. Insight from a third party is always good and often times easier to handle. He told me once that he doesn't want female friends, because he has "enough" of them. So I asked him, why the exception this time? He told me that although we have vastly different views in religion, he hasn't ever met anyone like me that had so much in common with him. That he could make an exception this time. He also told me that he hadn't eaten all day Sunday because he was so sick with how he would tell me that we weren't going to work out. Ha, I know that same feeling.

Yeah, I'm sad, but no I'm not broken hearted. It was a great experience to find someone who although they're pretty cool, I still can't sacrifice some things on my list. He also gave me a few things to add to my list, which I suppose is a good thing in dating.
Date: 1/17/11
*no favorite things, because I wrote this way before I was ready to post it. 

*Edit #1:
Holy cow, he matches most of my requirements...there is hope after all that one guy can possess everything or I'm aiming low. 
*Edit #2: 1/20/11
Total right decision.  
* Edit # 3: 6/24/12
seriously total right decision. 1/20 was my first date with T <3 

No comments:

Post a Comment