Today I went to church with T. It was our first time going to church together and it was a church neither of us had been to.
Once we got inside, we found our seats. I tend to sight in the middle of the middle if that makes any sense. This way I can see the worship team AND the pastor when he speaks. I don't venture much from this area.
Before worship even started, I immediately had flashbacks to Flagstaff Vineyard. I saw the electric violin, the 5 guitars, the electric bass, piano and drums not to mention the 3 microphones. It all brought back memories, feelings, things longed for.
Worship started. It was pretty good. I felt the passion from the worship team as they played and I felt it in the audience. Their song selection had a very familiar flow. My heart was softening.
The sermon was over James 1: 13-17.
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
The entire sermon was about taking responsibility for your temptations/sin and not blaming them on the devil, your neighbor, your friend etc. The pastor also talked a lot about what needs to be done to remedy the situation and how it can also start to consume your life.
Really, it was a slap in the face. As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm realizing many other aspects of my life that this touches upon. For example: choosing to walk away from God because of my anger towards Him. I blamed Him for things that were happening in my life, rather then REALLY stepping up and taking responsibility. Although it was a painful slap, it is much welcomed. The fact that I felt the slap, let alone His presence left a huge smile on my face.
After going so long with out feeling His presence, and then randomly, unexpectedly getting such a "comforting touch" is amazing.
I'm really praying this is the reboot of my relationship with Him. I've really missed Him. A LOT.
1) I am thankful for God putting someone in my life who is very patient with me.
2) I am thankful for friends C in NYC and R in Seattle. I love those girls and miss them.
3) I am thankful that God has ALWAYS provided me what what I've needed, not always what I WANTED, but what I needed.