Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Today was one of those days.

I just wanted to crawl up into bed and be held.  There's nothing like the warm embrace of someone who cares, who doesn't judge your raw emotions, but just lets you exist in that moment. 

There was nothing in particular that set me off. My day itself wasn't awful, average for this year. Just something triggered. A friend of mine asked me how my day was going. Initially, I said good. Then I mentioned that my second hour is really draining, then I realized, I just needed to be held. That affection, that touch, the electricity, the energy, I just yearned for that connection.

At the beginning of the divorce, my friend, E, told me that the nights are the hardest, because this is when you are most alone. I've found this to be so true. I tend to busy myself till exhaustion, then I crawl into bed, read my Bible, journal and pray till I pass out. I'm getting better at it though. The solitude is becoming a relief from the day. A moment of peace, stillness, honesty and reflection. Kha would be so proud to hear this.

Again, I'm realizing how important it is to have people around you who have known you FOREVER. My best friend and his wife are in town visiting. I went to dinner with them. As I'm explaining to him what is going on in my life, he (he's the original friend) acts like it's nothing new. Like this is just who Jasmine is. Silently reiterating that it's ok to have moved on and to not have any connection with The Ex, to explore possibilities, to be nearly ready to find someone else.
My friends from work have only known me for 3 years. Since I've been a mom only with The Ex. They don't know anything about the Jasmine in high school or the Jasmine in college. This is ok, it's just a realization I'm coming to.
3 Things
1) Thankful that I could see my best friend. I miss him dearly
2) Thankful that he married an amazing girl that I like. (it can be difficult when you don't get along with "the wife" ;))
3) Thankful for open communication *most the time* with The Ex.

1 comment:

  1. It gets better I promise. Its been 4 years now and yes there are times but overall its much easier. I'm here if you need someone.