Since September, I have had 2 small anxiety attacks and countless moments of anxiety ridden thoughts. I hate the feeling. I hate that my heart races in a bad way and gets heavy. I hate that my stomach gets sick and that I can't sit still. I hate that every time it happens, I feel like I'm not in control of the situation. (Maybe the point of the anxiety is to open my eyes up to the things I shouldn't panic about or try to control??)
A few days ago I did a bit of snooping around on the internet and found out a few things that kind of bothered me. One potentially good and one just awkward. They instigated the "situation" that day. It only lasted a few minutes, but regardless, it's interesting that I am experiencing this.
I'm pretty sure that most of the anxiety is happening because I am in a phase of my life where my ground isn't solid like it used to be. I have never been one who didn't have a plan, a goal, an idea or a dream. Since single-hood, so many options have arisen and have been thrown my way. Anything from opening my own business, getting a masters to moving out of state. I am embracing this phase of my life but still hate the fact that I do not have a solid foundation to raise my daughter on. <- This is what makes me scared shitless. This is what keeps me up at night more often then anything else. This is what gets my heart racing in a "not fun" way. This is what gives me anxiety.
1) I am thankful that my dad is a freakin awesome cook
2) I am thankful for the opportunity to play on a softball team with friends
3) I am thankful for a SOLID full nights sleep.